Help is a tiny four letter word that when carried out, has an enormous and lasting effect on others. Most of us are very willing to offer our help when we see a need that we can fill. However, when the reverse circumstances occur, often the most difficult words to say are, “I need help.” Why is it so difficult for us to ask for help, when we are so readily willing to give it? According to Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of It’s All Under Control, here are a few reasons why we tend to avoid asking for help: We would rather be the helper than the helped. Collaboration sounds like more trouble than it’s worth. Most of us feel like we can get the task(s) done faster and better if we just do it ourselves. At least then we’d know it was done (in our minds) correctly. We are afraid of being told “No.” No one likes to face rejection, especially after building up enough nerve to show your vulnerability or weakness to others. No one likes to feel needy, weak, or incompetent. Asking for help is a form of surrendering control. Let’s face it, we all like things done, “our way.” When we ask for help, we have to be willing to let things be done, “their way.” (Jennifer Dukes Lee, It's All Under Control, p. 169-170, (2018)) In reviewing the above stated reasons for avoiding asking for help, the common denominator that I see woven throughout each rational is a nasty five letter word: PRIDE. Proverbs 16:18 states, “ Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” When we refuse to ask for help when we need it, our haughty spirits are rearing their ugly heads. This causes us to be stuck in a state of exhaustion, irritability and being overwhelmed. Contrary to popular belief, when you ask for help, you are revealing your strength to admit that you can’t face your problems on your own. According to Lee, “When you say, ‘I need help,” you’re not uttering feeble words. They may be the strongest, bravest words you ever say.” (Lee, p. 175) So asking for help is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. When you help others, you receive an internal sense of joy and happiness that comes from blessing someone else in need. When you refuse to ask for much needed help, you are robbing others of that joy and blessing. I constantly have to remind my husband of this concept. He is always the first one to offer help to others when there is a need. Over the 30 years we have been married, we have helped many with physical, financial and spiritual needs, often to the point of arguing with the person who needs help. My husband will often say, “Don’t rob me of my blessing of being able to help you.” Yet, he is the very LAST person to ask for help when we need it. He will use excuses like, “We’ve got this,” “I don’t want to be a burden to others” and “It’s easier if I do it myself.” It is very strange how double standards come into play when PRIDE rears its ugly head! You might be the “helper” and see someone who needs help, but doesn’t know how to ask for it. Just show up and meet any need that you see. It may be as simple as taking a meal to them, or showing up and shoveling their driveway or scrubbing their toilets. It could be more committed help like toting their children to and from school for an extended period, taking someone to their medical appointments, or administrative help with their business. Whatever it may be, ask for discernment to see if there is a need and meet if you can. Years ago, we were in a terrible car accident. My husband has a broken hip and shattered hand. I broke my back. Our kids were elementary and middle school aged at the time. Thankfully, the most serious injury for them was my son’s broken foot and ankle. Long story short, we were a broken family that needed help. I was so overwhelmed, that I didn't even know where to begin to ask. My sister came to stay with us for a week, and got on the phone with some of my friends. Immediately, my MOPS group started a meal train for us. They fed my family for two months! I had a friend that showed up unannounced with bathroom cleaners in hand and said, “I am here to clean your bathrooms because I know that you can’t.” We had neighbors that came over and shoveled the driveway when it snowed because they knew we were too broken to do it. The list goes on and on. In short, if you want to be a helper, just show up. The rest will work itself out. Remember, when we help others, we are not only meeting a need, but we are giving them hope, encouragement, and showing them love. We all need a bit of this everyday in our lives.

There has been a lot of discussion about our rights, violation of rights, and what we are entitled to do or not do as Americans over the past year and a half. With the recent celebration of our country’s independence, I thought it might be a good time to remind our brains of what we learned in history class and what our country was founded on. Below is a simplified version of our US Constitution and the unalienable rights that are established and secured for every American citizen. "We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America." The Bill of Rights (or First Ten Amendments)(1791) 1. Congress is forbidden to pass any law setting up a religion or interfering with religious freedom or with free speech or with the right of people to get together peacefully and petition the government to have their grievances looked into. 2. The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be interfered with. 3. No soldier in time of peace shall be assigned to live in a private home without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war except in a lawful manner. 4. The people are protected against search and seizure without a warrant. 5. A grand jury is provided for in serious crimes. Persons are protected from being tried twice for the same offense, or from having to testify in criminal cases against themselves, or from being deprived of life, liberty, or property without lawful means. 6. A fair and speedy trial for the accused is guaranteed in criminal cases. 7. A jury trial is provided for in civil suits exceeding $20. 8. Very high bail, stiff fines, or cruel punishment are forbidden. 9. Just because certain rights of the people have been stated in the Constitution does not mean that they do not still have others not mentioned there. 10. All powers not given by the Constitution to the U.S. nor forbidden to the states are reserved to the states or to the people. Later Amendments Remaining Amendments to the US Constitution: 11. Forbids the citizens of another state or of a foreign country from suing a state in the U.S. courts (1798). 12. Provides that the electors should state on their ballots the person they want for President and the person for Vice President (1804). 13. Forbids slavery and "involuntary servitude" (1865). 14. Forbids states from passing laws depriving any person of life, liberty, or property "without due process of law" or of not giving to each person the equal protection of the law (1868). 15. Forbids the U.S. or any state from preventing a person from voting because of "race, color, or previous condition of servitude" (1870). 16. Permits the income tax (1913). 17. Provides for the election of Senators by the people instead of by the state legislatures (1913). 18. Forbids the manufacture, sale, or shipment of intoxicating liquors (the Prohibition Amendment) (1919). 19. Gives women the right to vote (1920). 20. The term of the President ends on January 20. If the President elect dies before the term begins, the Vice President elect shall become President (1933). 21. Repeals the 18th Amendment; once more allows the making and sale of liquor (1933). 22. Bars any President from serving more than two terms. Where a Vice President has become President on the death of the President and has served more than two years of the President's term, the Vice President shall not be allowed to run for more than one term in addition (1951). 23. Gives the District of Columbia three electoral votes for the election of President and Vice President (1961). 24. Section 1. Forbids the United States or any state to abridge or deny any citizens the right to vote for the President or Vice President or for any state representative in Congress because of failure to pay a poll or any other tax. Section 2. Gives Congress the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation (1964). 25. Sets up a plan for the Vice President to take over the duties of the President when the latter is unable to perform them (1967). 26. Permits voting by eighteen-year-olds (1971). https://teachingcivics.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Simplified-United-States-Constitution-and-Bill-of-Rights.pdf Remembering our past helps us appreciate the present and successfully move forward into the future.